The Beat of My Heart
by The Revolutionary Winter Quail
Summary: Do you ever feel the beat of your heart? Like a ticking time bomb it beats; ever so aware that it's existence is doomed from its very humble beginning? Each beat is another moment lost; one more second of your life that you will never get back.


**Do you ever feel the beat of your heart? Like a ticking time bomb it beats; ever so aware that it's existence is doomed from its very humble beginning? Each beat is another moment lost; one more second of your life that you will never get back.**

I **can feel my heart beating at this very moment; it's feeling like it wants to leap out of my chest. I try to drown it out with thoughts; mere lies that I tell myself to justify what I have done.**

I _am trying to save you, to avenge the bullet lodged in your back. I am undoing that fatal fall that killed you from atop of your valiant steed. You sit in a coffin, trapped under a mound of dirt; your body withering more with each day. Your freckled skin will most likely never see the sun again._

The _generations who follow will realize the urgency of the cause you died for. They will read manuscripts which I will pen myself; all out of your memory. I pray that these writings will serve you justice; they are based on my incomplete recollections of you; each one shattered by the pain of your loss._

_

My _world is melting into oblivion; my life is speeding into existence. In your absence the only thing I can think of is the beat of my heart. It is always there, never wavering._

 _Time_ _on this Earth without you seems hollow, and my heart pounds, filling the gap between us. My heart keeps me alive._ _The universe is out to get me. My enemies who loathe me stalk me like a ravenous cat stalks a mouse. They've exposed me for what I really am; tainting my legacy._ _I need your help; to show me what to do._

_

We made love in a tent, and you left me, insisting that I stay.

I gave you my heart and soul, why can't I give you my life too?

Your elusive kisses and touches; was it all a hoax? The phantom whisper from your lips - the promise that you died to break - slash through me like a knife.

Your memory is a scar, forever staining my identity.

I can't go on without you.

We lied to ourselves from the beginning; believing we had a chance.

I could never go on without you.

_

 _My world is melting into oblivion; my life is speeding into existence. In your absence the only thing I can think of is the beat of my heart. It is always there, never wavering._

 _Time_ _on this Earth without you seems hollow, and my heart pounds, filling the gap between us. My heart keeps me alive._

 _I'm trying to save myself; to undo what I have become. I'm not who I was, and I've hurt the ones I love. I guess I've lived up to my namesake as a "bastard"._

 _I've left behind those dreams we had; led by imperfect memories of you. I was fooling myself, thinking that I was doing good._

_

 _My world is melting into oblivion; my life is speeding into existence. In your absence the only thing I can think of is the beat of my heart. It is always there, never wavering._

 _Time_ _on this Earth without you seems hollow, and my heart pounds, filling the gap between us. My heart keeps me alive._

 _Time_ _has stopped, and the the cold numbness of nothingness has blanketed me. I'm gasping for air, watching the bullet fly through space. Its growing closer, speeding towards my stomach. Most would assume that millions of thoughts would be flashing through my head, but strangely, there's only one._

 _Please_ _don't try to save me. Don't tell me to move and just jump out of the way._

 _It would_ _kill me if I survived this._

 _Life_ _lost its meaning that August morning in 1781._

_

We made love in a tent, and you left me, insisting that I stay.

I gave you my heart and soul, why can't I give you my life too?

Your elusive kisses, and touches; was it all a hoax? The phantom whisper from your lips - the promise that you died to break - slash through me like a knife.

_

 _Your_ _memory is a scar, forever staining my identity._ _I can't go on without you._

 _We_ _lied to ourselves from the beginning; believing we had a chance._

 _I_ _could never go on without you._

 _And_ _I never will have to, ever again._

 ** _My world is melting into oblivion; my life is speeding into existence. In your absence the only thing I can think of is the beat of my heart. It has always been there, but now it's beginning to waver. I hear a scream of anguish, but it couldn't be farther away. All I can feel is the beating of my heart, growing fainter with each passing second, slowing down until...it stops_**.


End file.
